Sensitive people get called weak so often that many of us start to believe it. My mother said it about me for years, and she said it loudest when others were listening. The last time I heard it, my husband and I had just told the family we were starting our own business. My mother … Read more
The same person who once called you every week just to hear your voice can start doing everything possible to make you despise them. Nobody prepares you for how disorienting that switch feels. My aunt was the warmest person in my family while I was saving for my first home. She asked about my pregnancy, … Read more
My mother once told me with a straight face that she had been “far too generous” with me growing up. I was with my newborn son asleep in the next room, and I gripped the edge of the kitchen counter so I wouldn’t say something I’d regret. This was the woman who called me stupid … Read more
The deepest wound you can give a narcissist requires no confrontation, no revenge, and not a single raised voice. It happens quietly, on the day you start choosing yourself and keep choosing yourself. I learned this from my mother. When most of my family turned against me, she expected me to fall apart. I believe … Read more
Few things mess with your mind like watching a narcissist get applauded. I was newly married when my mother was honored at a fundraiser for a women’s shelter. A stranger took my hands and told me how lucky I was to have been raised by someone so selfless. I smiled and thanked her because I … Read more
Every survivor I know has made the same quiet wish at least once. We want the narcissist to feel even a small piece of what they put us through. I made that wish about my mother for years. I made it most fiercely the year my family turned their backs on me. I was a … Read more
When a friend hears you’re about to do something big, she usually says something simple. “You’ve got this.” “I’m so proud of you.” When I told my mother I was buying my first home, she smiled and asked, “Are you sure you can handle a mortgage? Numbers were never your strength.” I was a grown … Read more
Three years into no contact, my phone lit up with a message from my mother on an ordinary Tuesday morning. “I heard you bought a house. I hope you’re happy.” She didn’t say hello or ask about her grandson. She sent ten words in the same week my husband and I signed the final papers … Read more
The most dangerous person in my family never once raised her voice at me. My aunt, my mother’s younger sister, was the soft-spoken one. She remembered birthdays, brought food when someone was sick, and always asked thoughtful questions about my life. She asked too many questions, actually. When I started saving for my first home, … Read more
Narcissists rarely pay for what they do. The people standing closest to them usually end up covering the bill. I watched my mother prove this at my cousin’s wedding, a few years after I lost most of my family. She sat near the head table in a silk dress, laughing with relatives who had once … Read more
