Ever feel like your dad’s the sun, and you’re just a planet caught in his orbit?
Does your dad exhibit narcissistic parent traits like needing constant admiration, taking credit for your achievements, or belittling your feelings?
If so, you’re not alone. Millions of us grapple with these dynamics, and I’ve seen firsthand the toll they can take.
My cousins lived that life, and it took them a long time to learn how to deal with a narcissistic father.
I, too, experienced something similar, where my mom made us believe we were here to be her narcissistic supply.
But as adult children of narcissistic parents, it’s time we take a stand and remember that our lives are not about them.
By sharing my story and the experience of others like us, I hope this guide can be your roadmap to reclaiming your emotional autonomy.
- Don’t waste your time arguing with your narcissistic father. They thrive on the drama.
- Instead of prioritizing your narcissist dad’s needs, focus on your own happiness by putting your mental health first.
- Refuse to play the scapegoat in your narcissistic father’s blame game. Through silence, you strip their accusations of power.
Table of Contents
11 Ways on How to Deal With a Narcissistic Father
The constant need for admiration, the emotional manipulations, the belittlement of your achievements.
It all leaves you wondering, “How do I navigate this impossible relationship?”
Growing up, you might have dimmed your light to appease your narcissistic father’s demands.
But true healing comes from discovering the tools to navigate that gravitational pull and charting your course.
If you’re ready to take control of your narrative, below I break down the 11 ways to deal with your narcissistic parent:
1. Set Your Personal Boundaries and Be Firm With Them
Dealing with narcissistic parents often means learning to set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being, but the real strength lies in being firm with them.
Imagine setting a clear limit like, “No unsolicited comments about my appearance.” A healthy parent might respect that.
But a narcissistic father may try to burrow under the fence with disguised jabs (“That outfit looks a bit…cozy, don’t you think?”).
He might bombard you with guilt (“Don’t I deserve an opinion after raising you?”) or even weaponize the boundary (“Fine, if you can’t take a joke, I guess I’ll just shut up forever”).
It’s tempting to cave under the pressure, to tear down the fence and just let his opinions in like weeds choking your self-esteem.
But here’s the thing: being firm with those boundaries is like pulling up those weeds. It’s messy, but it’s the only way to cultivate a healthy emotional space.
2. No Need for Sharing Your Personal Life, Protect Your Privacy
Imagine growing up in a house with walls that have ears, where every detail of your life becomes fodder for his stories, his jokes, his way of proving how fascinating he is.
You might be used to oversharing as a way to connect, which is the reality for many children raised by a narcissistic father.
To deal with one, remember that protecting your privacy is not about being secretive, it’s about reclaiming your agency.
You get to decide what parts of your life belong in the spotlight, and what deserves the quiet sanctuary of your own heart.
It’s about setting boundaries, not just around your possessions or your time, but around your inner world.
3. Find Support From Trusted Friends and Family Members
Among the most obvious signs of a narcissistic father is a lack of empathy for others, including his children.
That kind of narcissistic abuse can have lasting consequences on your self-esteem, mental health, and ability to trust.
You might constantly doubt your judgment, struggle with feelings of inadequacy, and experience anxiety or depression.
But these shadows don’t define you. Building a support network can help you break free from that cycle and reclaim your life.
These trusted individuals can foster a sense of normalcy and self-worth. They can be your sounding board, your shoulder to cry on, your cheerleader when you need it most.
4. Put Your Well-Being and Mental Health First
Growing up with a narcissistic parent can feel like riding a rollercoaster. But instead of exciting loops, it’s a relentless barrage of emotional twists and turns.
The constant emotional abuse can lead to low self-esteem, but the good news is that you can rebuild it.
Putting your well-being and mental health first is not self-indulgence, it’s an act of self-rescue.
Think of dealing with narcissistic fathers like putting on your oxygen mask first. You can’t help others, including your dad if you’re gasping for air.
So, prioritize therapy if needed, set healthy boundaries, and say no to situations that drain your energy.
5. Steer Clear of Unnecessary Arguments
A narcissistic father can make fire out of anything. One stray comment, a sigh even, can erupt into a fiery argument.
You’re trapped in a toxic relationship where his ego is the fuel and your reactions are the oxygen. But you can learn to stop fanning the flames!
Don’t take the bait. See his jabs and insults for what they are: attempts to ignite you.
You can say you’ve learned how to deal with a narcissistic father if you don’t justify, explain, or argue. Instead, stay calm, neutral, and deflect.
Remember that you can walk away. Every time. You don’t owe him a fight. Excuse yourself and create space.
6. Stay Calm in Tough Situations
Living with a narcissistic dad can feel like every interaction is a potential storm. In such scenarios, staying calm becomes a lifeline.
When chaos knocks, try to control the only thing you can — your reaction. Make that your superpower.
Breathe, not yell. Since anger fuels his fire, counter his outbursts with slow, deep breaths. This will show him that you won’t be his emotional puppet.
His words are weapons, but you can disarm them by not taking them personally. Detach, don’t react. Let his barbs bounce off your emotional shield.
Lastly, focus on the facts, not the drama. Stick to the situation at hand, and ground yourself in logic, not his chaos.
7. Remember You’re Not to Blame
A narcissistic parent may resort to narcissistic gaslighting where they twist your words, deny reality, and shower you with constant criticism.
Narcissistic parents use these manipulation tactics as desperate attempts to control your perception.
But you can break free from their blame game by refusing to play the role of the scapegoat.
Instead of defending or explaining, embrace silence. Their accusations, unanswered, lose their power over you, like rain evaporating in the sun.
8. Focus On Building Your Happiness
Looking at my cousins’ lives growing up, I noticed that children of narcissistic fathers may have difficulty nurturing their happiness.
Hoping to understand my narc mom, I remember asking my cousin, “How do you deal with a narcissistic father?”
Like I did, they prioritized his needs and tiptoed around his moods. You see him basking in the spotlight, but his children’s needs? Forgotten, neglected.
It wasn’t an easy ride, but my aunt choosing to raise my cousins alone meant they could finally focus on building their happiness.
Look for activities that nourish your soul, that spark joy like fireworks in your heart.
Whether it’s painting, playing music, spending time in nature, or simply savoring a cup of tea in the quiet — these are your beacons of happiness.
9. Keep Communication Clear and Brief
Engaging in lengthy conversations can be tempting, hoping to bridge the gap.
But like I’ve mentioned earlier, oversharing is like handing him a shovel to dig deeper into your vulnerabilities.
So, avoid emotional explanations or justifications, which only open you up for narcissistic manipulation.
He may try to twist your words, bait you into arguments, or use your openness against you. Don’t give him that ammunition. Keep it short, simple, and direct.
10. Seek Counseling for Personal Growth
A mental health professional can guide you in identifying the type of relationship you have with your narcissistic dad.
Therapy can help you navigate the confusing world of narcissism and its impact on your sense of self.
By understanding the effects of narcissistic parenting and the common traits of people with narcissistic personality disorder or NPD, you can gain valuable insights into their behavior and learn ways to heal from the abuse.
Don’t be afraid to explore different therapy styles and find a therapist who feels right for you. This is your journey, and choosing the right guide makes it all the more fulfilling.
11. Plan Your Future Without Him in Mind
Being raised by a narcissistic father can feel like every step, every decision, is riddled with the echoes of his expectations and manipulations.
But the truth is that you have the power to chart your course. When trying to figure out how to deal with a covert narcissistic father, the best answer is to limit contact.
Cutting contact with your narcissistic dad is about creating space for your dreams, values, and happiness.
It doesn’t mean ignoring the past or pretending it didn’t happen. Give yourself time to grieve that lost relationship, to acknowledge the hurt, and to let it go.
You’re not closing the door on the possibility of rebuilding a relationship in the future if you choose.
But right now, it’s important to focus more on your foundation, and your future.
Why It’s Important to Stand Up to Your Narcissist Father?
Standing up to a narcissistic father is important not only for protecting your mental health and wellness but also for building healthy relationships in your own life.
The manipulative and often toxic dynamics of such a parent-child relationship can have lasting negative consequences if left unchecked.
Daughters of narcissistic fathers may internalize the message that their worth is conditional on their appearance, leading to body image issues.
Sons of narcissistic fathers may develop unhealthy relationship patterns by attempting to please the father or mimicking his manipulative tactics.
In our family, living with a narcissistic father whose primary concern was exploiting others left emotional scars on my cousins and their half-siblings.
Because of that, they experienced difficulties trusting people and forming healthy relationships in adulthood.
My older cousin is a good example of this.
Influenced by her father’s narcissistic traits, she now prioritizes self-gain and manipulates others, mirroring the narcissistic behavior she witnessed growing up.
This created conflicts and strain not only in her relationships but also professional career.
As a mother myself, I can’t imagine the toll it takes on daughters and sons to witness their mom struggling to raise them alone while their father prioritizes his desires.
But my aunt refused to let their story end on that note.
Her strength in raising my cousins alone, despite constant financial and emotional hardship, is what made them resilient.
That’s when I realized that breaking free from the grip of a narcissist is more than just self-preservation.
It’s about reclaiming your right to a life brimming with genuine connection and authentic happiness.
When Should You Consider Professional Help When Dealing With Your Narcissistic Father?
Seeking professional help for dealing with a father with narcissistic tendencies is always a valuable option, and there’s no single “right” time to do so.
The decision depends on the specific impacts on a child and their individual needs.
A parent who exhibits narcissistic behavior can create a challenging environment, affecting the child’s mental health and overall development.
As a rule of thumb, consider seeking therapy if you’re experiencing:
- Significant emotional distress: Difficulty coping with anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges stemming from the relationship.
- Impaired relationships: Struggles maintaining healthy relationships with friends, partners, or other family members due to the father’s behavior.
- Difficulty setting boundaries: Feeling unable to establish and enforce healthy boundaries with your father, leading to emotional manipulation or abuse.
- Negative impact on your well-being: The father’s behavior significantly impacts your sleep, eating patterns, or overall physical health.
- Desire for deeper understanding: You’re looking for guidance on understanding narcissistic behavior, learning coping mechanisms, and developing healthy communication strategies.
Therapists trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT and other approaches can equip you with valuable tools to handle a narcissistic parent, build resilience, and navigate this complex relationship.
Don’t Feel Like a Bad Guy, You Need to Defend Yourself
Learning how to deal with a narcissistic father may have left scars that run deep, but your right to self-protection runs deeper still.
You have the power to stop the cycle, set boundaries, say no, and walk away.
While challenging, standing your ground isn’t about revenge. It’s about reclaiming your voice, rewriting your story, and choosing peace.
Don’t let him define you. You are not his puppet, but the author of your freedom.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can you have a healthy relationship despite your upbringing?
Yes, despite a challenging upbringing with a narcissistic family member, building a healthy relationship is possible through self-awareness and intentional efforts.
How do you outsmart a narcissistic father?
Outsmarting a narcissistic father involves setting boundaries, staying emotionally detached, and seeking support to manage the relationship effectively.
Where can you find support if you have a narcissistic father?
Children of narcissistic parents may find support through therapy, support groups, and close friends who understand the challenges of dealing with such dynamics.
What are healthy ways to assert your needs with a narcissistic father?
When dealing with a narcissistic father, assert your needs calmly, set clear boundaries, and prioritize self-care. Remember, you control your reactions, not him.
What are the dos and don’ts when talking to a narcissist?
A narcissist may manipulate, gaslight, or deflect responsibility. Avoid emotional confrontation. Instead, stay calm, set boundaries, and be clear.