Narcissist Conversations: Why They Go in Circles and How It Wrecks Your Brain

Ever tried to have a simple conversation with a narcissist and felt like you were going in circles?

You end up drained, doubting yourself, and no closer to the truth.

You walk away questioning not just the issue at hand but your very memory, your perception, even your sanity.

There was one evening when I tried to talk with my mother about a hurtful comment she made toward my younger brother.

I wanted to clear the air, ask for accountability, and hopefully prevent it from happening again.

Two hours later, I was the one apologizing for “misunderstanding her tone.”

My brother sat smirking in the corner, relieved the fire wasn’t pointed at him.

The original issue was buried under accusations of me being “too sensitive.”

She piled on complaints about things I’d done ten years earlier and guilt trips about how much she had “sacrificed.”

That was the night I realized this wasn’t bad communication or emotional immaturity.

Narcissists don’t argue to resolve. They argue to control.

And their favorite tactic?

The circular conversation.

Why Conversations With Narcissists Go in Circles?

It’s Not Misunderstanding, It’s Manipulation

When you’re dealing with a narcissist, the circle isn’t a side effect, but the strategy.

They don’t stumble into confusion. They create it, deliberately.

I learned this during a phone call with my toxic sister.

I called her to ask why she hadn’t followed through on helping with our younger cousin’s school project.

This was something she promised she’d handle.

Instead of addressing it, she redirected, “Why do you always think I’m unreliable? Don’t you remember all the times I helped you?”

Then, she brought up an argument from years ago where I “embarrassed her” in front of a friend.

Within minutes, we weren’t talking about the project anymore. We were dissecting my “character flaws.”

It was like being pulled into quicksand.

The harder I tried to get back to the original issue, the deeper I sank into her deflections.

Suddenly, I was defending myself against accusations that had nothing to do with the present moment.

That’s the sleight of hand narcissists rely on.

They keep you so busy answering side attacks that you forget the initial problem.

And if you’ve ever walked away from one of those conversations wondering, “Wasn’t I the one with the valid point?” you’re not alone.

That confusion is the manipulation at work.

They Use Words to Exhaust, Not Connect

Healthy conversations aim to build understanding, while narcissistic conversations aim to wear you down.

My narcissistic brother specializes in this tactic.

One Saturday morning, I asked him to return the charger he borrowed.

Simple request, right?

But he launched into an endless tirade about how I “never let him borrow things without a fight” and how I “always treat him like a child.”

Then he dragged in examples from months ago, nitpicking the tiniest interactions.

A five-second conversation stretched into a ninety-minute standoff.

At one point, I caught myself apologizing, not because I believed I was wrong, but because I wanted him to stop talking.

That’s when it hit me: this wasn’t a debate. It was a drain.

His goal was depletion rather than resolution. Because if I were exhausted, I’d stop resisting.

By the end, I wasn’t even asking for the charger anymore. I was begging for the argument to stop.

That’s the point.

They talk until your brain shuts down and circle until you surrender.

Words aren’t tools for connection. They’re weapons for control.

And once they’ve worn you down, they don’t even need to “win.” Your silence is their victory.

What Circular Conversations With Narcissists Do to Your Brain?

Circular conversations are neurologically damaging.

When trapped in these arguments, your amygdala, the brain’s alarm system, switches on.

Your body pumps cortisol and adrenaline, preparing for fight, flight, or freeze.

Meanwhile, your prefrontal cortex, which is the rational part that helps you think clearly, shuts down.

That’s why, mid-argument, you suddenly forget details, feel foggy, or can’t string your thoughts together.

I’ll never forget sitting on the porch after an argument with my narcissistic mother about why I didn’t attend one of her friends’ parties.

She framed it as me being “ungrateful” and “antisocial,” then spiraled into how I was “making her look bad.”

For two hours, she hammered at me until I finally said, “Fine, I’ll go next time.”

Afterward, I sat there staring at the garden, unable to remember half the things she’d said.

My hands shook as if I’d run a marathon.

That was my brain in survival mode. And the impact lingers long after the argument ends.

It can take hours or even days for stress hormones to leave your body, leaving you drained, irritable, and questioning your own reactions.

If you’ve ever walked away feeling like your mind was wrapped in fog, it’s not because you’re incapable.

It’s because your body was protecting you from psychological assault.

Narcissists weaponize this.

The more reactive you are, the less rational you can be, and the easier you are to control.

Over time, this cycle can literally rewire your nervous system to expect chaos, making calm feel unsafe and conflict feel inevitable.

The Narcissist’s Real Goal

Keep You Reactive

Reactiveness is a power for narcissists.

One time, I challenged my overbearing sister about gossiping behind my back to relatives.

Instead of addressing it, she raised her voice and accused me of being “paranoid” and “jealous” of her friendships.

My temperature rose instantly, and I shouted, trying to defend myself.

That’s when I saw the flicker of satisfaction on her face.

She wasn’t interested in truth. She wanted me triggered.

Because triggered people make mistakes.

They lash out, they lose focus, and they can be painted as “the problem.”

The cruel part is, once you’re reactive, they step back with a calm mask and act like the “reasonable” one.

You’re left looking unstable, exactly as they planned.

Wear You Down

Exhaustion is another weapon.

I remember being cornered in the hallway by my toxic mom after I refused to run another errand for her.

What started as a “Why can’t you just help?” talk morphed into a laundry list of every “sacrifice” she’d made for me since childhood.

Then came the comparisons, like how my cousins “never complain” when their mothers ask for help.

After nearly three hours, I gave in just to make it end.

That’s their victory.

Not winning the argument, but winning your silence through exhaustion.

Because once you’re drained, you’ll say yes to almost anything for relief.

Over time, this pattern conditions you to surrender faster and faster.

It teaches your nervous system that resistance is pointless and compliance is survival.

Make You Doubt Yourself

Perhaps the most damaging goal is self-doubt.

My toxic brother once claimed he never agreed to split a household bill with me, even though I clearly remembered the conversation.

When I pushed back, he scoffed, “You always misremember things.”

He repeated it with such certainty that I began to wonder if I had indeed imagined it.

That’s the psychological erosion of circular conversations.

Over time, you stop trusting your memory, perception, and sanity.

And once you no longer believe yourself, the narcissist’s control is complete.

Because if they can make you question what’s real, they don’t need to win the argument.

You’ll hand them the victory by doubting your own truth.

How to Break Out of the Circle

You cannot win a conversation with a narcissist.

It was never designed to be won. It was designed to trap you.

The only power move is refusing to play.

I remember the first time I broke the cycle with my sister.

She started recycling the same argument about me being “ungrateful” for her help years ago.

Normally, I’d defend myself point by point.

That day, I simply said, “We’ve already talked about this,” and walked out of the room.

My hands shook, but the silence afterward was liberating.

Here are some tactics that worked:

The day I stopped trying to “win” with my mother and siblings was the day I started winning with myself.

Every disengagement was a reclaiming of peace.

Every refusal to circle was a step out of their control.