6 Dates You Must Go On Before Defining The Relationship

Defining the relationship (DTR) is serious business. If you jump into it too soon, you might find out some weird stuff about your potential partner when it’s too late (like their obsession with collecting belly button lint).

Trust me, you want to get to know them on a deeper level first.

Before you lock things down, here are six different types of dates that will give you the best chance to decide if you want to go all-in—or run for the hills.

1. The “Let’s See If I Even Like You” Date

Okay, first things first, your initial date should be a screener, a no-pressure, quick hangout to assess if this person isn’t a complete psycho (low bar, but still).

You’re not trying to discover if they’re your soulmate here. The goal is simple: Do you want to see them again?

Keep it chill—a coffee, a drink, or a walk. Drinks work well because, let’s be honest, you can cut it short if it’s a disaster.

I once went on a first date where the guy spent 20 minutes talking about his collection of antique spoons. No, I’m not kidding. After that, I became a fan of the screener date—it’s like a sanity test for potential partners.

2. The “Do We Have Chemistry or Is This Just Coffee?” Date

Now that you’ve survived the first date, it’s time to see if you actually vibe. Is there chemistry, or were you just bored on the first date and willing to tolerate them?

Go for something easy and low-pressure again, like another coffee or maybe even a casual meal. You want to see if you feel that spark—if the conversation flows or if it feels like pulling teeth.

Once, I tried this “let’s see if we vibe” second date over brunch. Great idea, right? Until my date spent the entire time talking about their ex. Look, if they can’t stop bringing up their ex on a second date, it’s a sign. Run. Chemistry? Zero.

3. The “Dinner Will Tell You Everything You Need to Know” Date

Dinner dates are the ultimate litmus test. If you haven’t experienced a few dinners together, you’re missing a goldmine of insight.

It’s not just about sharing food, it’s about observing how they act in a restaurant. Do they talk to the waiter like they’re a real human being, or do they treat them like a servant? Do they tip well, or are they the “leave three pennies and call it generous” type?

How do they handle the awkward check moment? Also, what do they order? If they eat their steak well done, you may want to rethink the whole thing.

One of the guys I dated consistently snapped at waiters and then bragged about how “efficient” he was at restaurants. Let’s just say the steak wasn’t the only thing that got cut.

4. The “Let’s Play and See What You’re Really Like” Date

Let me tell you, doing something active is the best way to get to know someone. Think mini-golf, pickleball, or even something chill like bowling.

You get to see their playful side, and it’s way less pressure than sitting across from each other at dinner. Plus, you get to see how competitive they are—are they a good sport, or do they throw tantrums when they lose? You don’t want a sore loser.

One time I went on a mini-golf date, and my partner got so competitive he knocked my ball out of the course “by accident.” Sure, buddy. The lesson? A little friendly competition shows you who you’re really dealing with—sabotage included.

5. The “Let’s Learn Something New Together” Date

Who said dates can’t be educational? No, I’m not suggesting you two hit up a calculus class, but doing something where you learn together is a total bonding experience.

Think cooking classes, trivia nights, or a trip to a museum. It’s fun, casual, and—bonus—you get to see how they handle new experiences. Do they lean into curiosity, or do they panic and shut down?

6. The “Let’s Meet Your Friends and See Who You Really Are” Date

This one is crucial—meet their friends. And no, I don’t mean a quick introduction while passing by. I mean a real hangout where you see how they act around their inner circle.

Are they the same person, or do they suddenly morph into someone else? Are they caring, considerate, or do they turn into the center-of-attention monster?

Meeting their friends gives you a peek into how they’ll fit into your world. Oh, and don’t forget to watch how they interact with your friends—it’s a two-way street.

I’ve seen it all, from someone who suddenly became the life of the party to someone who turned into a social recluse the second they met my friends. If they can’t handle your friends, it’s going to be a rough ride.