What To Do When You’re Overthinking in a Relationship? Try These

For a while, overthinking was my default setting in relationships. Every text, every silence, became a potential disaster zone in my head.

But I knew it wasn’t healthy, and I wanted things to work. So, I decided to take charge and find ways to shut down that negative voice in my head.

If you’re wondering what to do when you’re overthinking in a relationship, I’ll share the techniques that helped me keep mine in check.

These tips aren’t just theory. I apply them in my current relationship, and I’m happy to report that things are going pretty well.

The truth is that overthinking can damage even the best partnerships. And it’s up to you to take control and steer your relationship back to a place of trust and calm.

Let’s dive into how you can do just that.

  • Overthinking is something everyone deals with at some point, but it doesn’t have to control you. You can learn to manage it and build a stronger bond with your partner.
  • Communicate openly and honestly. The more you talk to your partner, the more secure you’ll feel in the relationship.
  • Recognize your triggers and take charge of your thoughts. Feeling secure and grounded can help you stop overthinking your relationship.

What To Do When You’re Overthinking in a Relationship?

If you find yourself caught in a whirlwind of “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios, you’re not alone. Tons of people (including yours truly!) deal with this.

The key is learning what helps with overthinking in a relationship and developing some new tools to quiet that mental chatterbox.

Here are some practical strategies that have not only eased my mind but also strengthened the bond between me and my partner:

Pay Attention to When You Start Overanalyzing Everything

We’ve all been there: a date went well-ish, but now you start overthinking every detail in your relationship like a nervous rewind.

Did I laugh too loud? Did that text take too long to send? Yep, these are the telltale signs of overthinking!

People overthink for all sorts of reasons, but the common thread is when one anxious thought takes hold and you start to ruminate.

When this happened to me, I realized the importance of self-awareness.

Catch yourself getting stuck on a detail and recognize it as the start of an overthinking spiral. Once you identify your triggers, you can start to tame them!

Talk to Your Partner About Your Feelings and Thoughts

Feeling that knot of anxiety tighten in your stomach because you’re afraid to bring something up? I get that, but here’s the thing: bottling it up won’t make it disappear.

In a healthy relationship, open communication is key. So, instead of letting your worries simmer, communicate with your partner about your concerns.

To make your partner feel more at ease, use “I” statements to explain what you’re feeling (“I felt a little insecure when…”) and actively listen to their perspective.

Remember, your partner doesn’t have a mind-reading superpower.


Don’t get hung up on proving a point. Instead, focus on finding common ground and working together towards a deeper understanding and connection.

Allow Yourself a Specific Time To Think about Your Concerns

I used to spend hours replaying past events in my head and let me tell you, it’s exhausting!

Good thing, I discovered the magic of setting aside time to address my worries.

How did I do it? Through journaling. This dedicated time allows you to process your concerns without them dominating your whole day.

The best part? It can also help you identify what fears are driving your overthinking and give you a new perspective on how to tackle them later.

Focus on the Present Moment Rather Than Worrying About the Future

It’s easy to get stuck in “what-if” mode, worrying about every possible outcome in your relationship. But let’s be real, most of that future stuff is completely out of your control.

To manage overthinking, I found mindfulness techniques like deep breathing and meditation helpful.

Taking a few minutes to focus on my breath helped me stay grounded in the present moment, not some imagined future disaster.

Remember, you can only control your actions and reactions. So, instead of dwelling on what might happen, try focusing on the positive aspects of your relationship right now.

Mindfulness is a practice, and it takes time, but it’s also important to practice letting go of what you cannot control.

Challenge Your Overthinking by Rationalizing Your Thoughts

To learn how to stop overthinking in your relationship, challenge your negative thoughts with more realistic perspectives.

For example, when doubts about your partner’s loyalty pop into your head, remind yourself that these fears are often rooted in your attachment style and past issues, not the present reality.

You see, I learned that overthinking often boils down to a lack of trust in others due to our own insecurities.

By reframing my thoughts and being more rational, I was able to have healthier relationships with others and myself.

Build Trust With Your Partner

My overthinking stemmed from major trust issues. A missed call would send me spiraling, convinced my then-partner was hiding something.

I would feel anxious over every little thing, and I was constantly seeking reassurance. I knew then that it wasn’t a healthy place to be.

The truth is, trust is the bedrock of any romantic relationship.

When you trust your partner, you don’t feel the need to overthink things. And although building trust takes time and effort, I know from experience that it’s worth it.


Focus on being reliable yourself, and have open conversations about your needs. The stronger the foundation of trust, the less you’ll feel the urge to overthink.

Talk to Friends, Family, or a Therapist

In my journey, I’ve learned that overthinking often stems from deeper relationship issues.

Sometimes, the root of your overthinking may be hidden beneath layers of past experiences or fears.

That’s where talking to friends and family can be incredibly valuable. They provide an outside perspective that can shed light on patterns you might not see yourself.

That said, if you feel like your overthinking is causing significant distress and impacting aspects outside of your relationship, seek help from a professional.

A therapist can help you deal with past relationship problems or even manage underlying conditions like relationship anxiety disorder.

Engage in Self-Care Activities That Boost Your Self-Esteem and Independence

When I was stuck overthinking, self-care went out the window. I neglected my hobbies, ate unhealthy, and basically turned into a couch potato.

The result? More overthinking. Yes, neglecting your needs is one of the most common reasons why you may be overthinking in your relationship.

How so? It’s simple, really. When you’re stressed, your mind is more likely to latch onto negative thoughts.

On the other hand, the more secure you feel in yourself, the less you’ll rely on your partner for validation.

So, join that yoga class, read a good book, or spend time in nature. Do whatever makes you feel good. It’ll remind you that you’re a whole person outside of the relationship.

Recognize Patterns in Your Overthinking and Nip It

Once I started recognizing the thought pattern that can lead to overthinking in relationships, it was like a lightbulb moment!

For example, I noticed I may start overthinking whenever my partner made plans without me.

In the past (due to a lack of trust), this would send me down a rabbit hole of anxieties. But now, I ask myself, “Is this a genuine concern, or am I just falling into an old pattern?”

This awareness is key if you want your new relationship to work!

The more you understand your triggers, the better equipped you are to develop personalized coping mechanisms.


Catch overthinking early on! The more you practice this, the easier it will become to quiet that inner voice and build a secure, trusting relationship.

Name It, Claim It, and Tame It!

So, what to do when you’re overthinking in a relationship? The answer is simple: name it, claim it, and tame it!

Overthinking in relationships can be a real drag, but by being aware of your thoughts and taking ownership of your emotions, you can take charge and tame that overthinking beast.

I may not be a relationship expert, but with the helpful tips I shared and a bit of self-compassion, I know you can quiet the inner critic and build a stronger bond with your partner.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it possible to completely eliminate overthinking, or is it something that needs ongoing management?

Yes, it is possible to stop overthinking in a relationship. However, it’ll need consistent effort and practice because it’s a natural human tendency.

How long does it typically take to see improvements in overthinking patterns when implementing these solutions?

Consistently applying these solutions can gradually reduce the habit of overthinking things, often within a few weeks to months. However, it can vary for each person.

How can you maintain consistency in applying these solutions when faced with challenging situations or heightened emotions?

To maintain consistency, overthinkers should have a set of go-to strategies. Try to take a few deep breaths and practice mindfulness to stay on track even in tough times.

How can you create a supportive environment for addressing overthinking with your partner?

Openly discuss your overthinking patterns with your partner and work together to find effective ways to stop overthinking everything. Encourage and validate each other’s efforts.

Can overthinking in a relationship stem from past experiences or insecurities?

Yes, overthinking in a relationship often stems from past experiences or insecurities. Those prone to overthinking may project past fears onto current situations, exacerbating the issue.

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