7 Psychological Tactics That Make You Untouchable to Flying Monkeys

When I have finally cut off the person who made me resent my own blood, I have felt at peace, as if every scar from the past is finally starting to heal. 

Then, one of my relatives reached out to me through text. Is this a chance to reconcile perhaps? Do they finally see my sister for who she really is?

“You’re so selfish. All we wanted to do was to help you.”

Was I surprised by that comment? Not really. I mean, at the end of the day, my older sister has been and will be the golden child of the family.

I finally cut off the narcissist, and I thought I finally had peace, but hovering around me are the flying monkeys who see my sister as this little innocent angel. 

Sometimes, even though we finally muster up the strength to remove the narcissist from our lives, the effects of their manipulation live on through other people.

They don’t always have victims; they have puppets that they have manipulated, too.

And like the narcissist, their flying monkeys see you as their target, and it’s not always easy to spot them.

Over the years of dealing with these echoes of my narcissistic family, I’ve faced, I learned tactics that not only made me invisible but invincible to these flying monkeys.

Why Flying Monkeys Are More Dangerous Than You Think?

They’re Not Just Messengers, They’re Weapons

Imagine someone being so convinced that you’re the villain that they’ve started seeing you as a target. 

Naturally, they won’t just act as messengers of the narcissist’s endless script of playing the “victim”, but they will also act as enactors of justice.

They’ll try to manipulate, gaslight, and spread rumors about you as a means to avenge the “victim”.

Unfortunately, no matter how close you are with them, their bond with a master manipulator like the narcissist is something that endures the chaos of their self-centeredness. 

How ironic that in their pursuit of self-righteousness, all they did was carry out the agenda of the true villain.

The Real Reason They Target You After You Break Free

Flying monkeys don’t want to see you at peace while their master is right there suffering, so they do their best to take that away from you. 

Oftentimes, they’re not even aware that they’re serving a narcissist who is playing the victim.

Fortunately, there are ways to identify if someone is being a flying monkey.

The narcissist has conditioned them to carry out their agenda, and they will go to extensive lengths and violate their own principles for this person.

In some cases, flying monkeys themselves also have narcissistic traits, and they would gladly use the narcissist’s pleas for help as an excuse to take you down out of insecurity.

Tactic #1: Stop Explaining Yourself

When flying monkeys start bringing up situations from the past and using them against me, I would feel the need to explain.

If you find yourself in the same situation, don’t even bother.

I started explaining why I’ve set my boundaries with my narcissist sister, how awful her behavior was towards me, and how much it affected me psychologically.

Only to be invalidated by my own relatives.

Narcissists and their flying monkeys love seeing you get emotional and defensive because you become more vulnerable, you doubt yourself more, and you become easier to manipulate.

The ultimate power you have is to clarify within yourself.

The peace of knowing what actually happened and the knowledge that no matter how you explain it, they’ll NEVER see it for what it is.

Your silence will make their manipulation futile until you’re ready to speak about the abuse to begin moving on from it.

Tactic #2: Name The Behavior, Not The Person

Narcissists and their flying monkeys just love to recruit other people to enact their agenda.

It started with a conflict between my older sister and me. The next thing I know, all of our relatives are involved.

Bringing up their excuse of having to vent their frustrations about me to close relatives, I stayed calm and called out their manipulation. This sounds like family triangulation.

Suddenly, the narcissist was caught off guard, and they’re thinking, “How did she see past me?”.

The tables have turned, and I was able to use my composure and strategy to completely diffuse their manipulation without giving them what they want.

Use your words wisely, call out their manipulative behavior, and don’t try to explain yourself.

Tactic #3: Use the “Grey Rock” Strategy Like a Weaponized Pro

Narcissists and flying monkeys love to see you become emotional and in pain, something they may not be completely capable of feeling.

When you’re engulfed with rage, they’ll use that against you and make you seem like the crazy one.

But what if you could take that power away from them?

It’s hard at first but as I’ve mastered how to become emotionally flat, especially during an argument.

When you do that, narcissists start becoming frustrated because they couldn’t get the reaction they wanted.

They can’t use what they can’t see after all.

Stay calm, practice appearing unbothered and rational, and watch as the narcissist’s puppets grow desperate to get a reaction from you.

Tactic #4: Create a Personal Firewall: Language, Location, Loyalty

We can all admit that as social animals, we crave connection from time to time.

But sometimes, disconnecting from certain social toxic circles can preserve our sanity.

Removing certain language patterns from the past allowed me to remove the association I have with toxic family members.

“My narcissistic mother” turned into “That woman”. 

Flying monkeys could be your mom, your own relatives, close friends, and even a significant other.

Unfortunately, they may not actually be on your side.

Our silence doesn’t necessarily equate to isolating ourselves, but it’s a means to emotionally safeguard our already damaged mental health.

Tactic #5: Trigger Management, When They Try to Pull You Back In

When my relatives started accusing me of becoming a horrible person to my selfish and toxic sister, I almost reacted to them.

Thankfully, I didn’t.

If I went there and screamed the truth out at their faces, it would’ve given merit to their demeaning accusations.

Flying monkeys use a lot of emotional bait to get a reaction out of you, one that proves you are the villain, just so they can satisfy their confirmation bias.

In these cases, I always remind myself, “Neutralize the situation and don’t engage.”

When I say neutralize, I mean neutralize my own emotions so they get nothing out of it.

Victory came when I stayed silent, unbothered by something I know for sure is false.

Tactic #6: Become the Version of You They Can’t Touch

You just don’t want your emotions to be invisible or unseen to them; you have to make yourself look invincible too.

Change how you respond, your style, and how you make decisions, and rebuild your confidence to disorient the flying monkeys. 

Make them think that you’ve already changed. Make them fear the uncertainty of this new version of you.

Narcissists will train their flying monkeys to target an old version of you, but what if that version no longer exists?

What do they target now?

This is exactly why I created a step-by-step breakdown to help women build lives that narcissists can’t decode.

Tactic #7: Predict Their Moves, So You Never React Again

Flying monkeys are generally predictable because of how much their behavior is molded by their trainer, the narcissist.

I’ve faced a cycle of my relatives saying I was a horrible sister to guilt-trip me, spreading rumors about how much of a vile person I am to other relatives, and waiting for a response they’ll use against me.

As I’ve endured their words, their betrayal, and their twisted actions, I slowly realized that I can use this to my advantage.

I’ll keep letting them attack me until I memorize their moves as if they’re pieces on a chessboard.

You don’t have to take their words personally; view them as a puzzle to decode.

Once you figure out their patterns, you will find the ability to stay calm because of their predictability.

When I mastered spotting their tactics, I became impossible to manipulate.

What Happens When You’re Finally Untouchable?

Flying monkeys will flock around you, throw their weapons at you, try to recruit other monkeys to join them.

Eventually, they’ll get worn out because of how invincible you are.

No matter how much they message you, spread rumors about you, they’ll tire themselves out if you don’t give a reaction.

Before, I felt as if these flying monkeys would never leave me alone. The worst part is that they’re my own family whom I’ve grown fond of over the years.

But now, they can no longer do anything to touch me or my loved ones.

I’ve built a life that is not only unseen but immune to their own manipulation.

Cutting them off is not being cruel or ungrateful, it’s a means to make sure every person recruited by the narcissist who has caused me a great deal of pain can’t reach me anymore.

When I learned that they cease to exist once I stopped giving them the attention and reaction that they want, suddenly, they’re nothing more than occasional nuisances that pose no threat.

Only you can give them power, but you don’t owe them that.