Marriage. It’s the ultimate adult milestone right up there with buying a house or finally admitting you can’t drink like you used to in your twenties.
But before you tie the knot, there’s something you need to do. And no, it’s not picking out the perfect cake topper. It’s asking yourself some brutally honest questions about your relationship. Like, real gut-check questions.
Trust me, you don’t want to wake up next to your partner five years in and think, “How did we end up here?”
Let’s get into it.
1. Am I The One Holding Us Back?
Okay, let’s get real: Have you ever sat across from your partner at a restaurant, and instead of actually talking to each other, you’re both glued to your phones? Or worse, you’re just staring blankly, silently munching on fries like two robots who forgot how to be human?
Yeah, I’ve been there. It’s awkward. It’s like your relationship is on autopilot, and neither of you is in control.
Now, ask yourself: Am I part of the problem here? Am I avoiding tough conversations because, hey, it’s easier to scroll through Instagram than deal with our issues? Are you being passive-aggressive because they forgot to pick up your favorite oat milk? (Again.)
If you’re holding onto stuff and not addressing it, you’re basically setting the stage for those silent brunches. Fix it before you become the couple everyone feels sorry for.
2. Are We Still Pushing Each Other to Be Better?
Let’s be honest, relationships start off hot. You’re excited, you’re growing, you’re basically power-coupling your way through life. But after a while? That fire can turn into Netflix marathons and takeout for the third night in a row. (I’m not judging, I’ve done it.)
Here’s the question though: Are you still growing together? Or have you both gotten a little too comfortable?
It’s easy to fall into routines where you stop challenging each other. One time, I remember feeling super inspired and telling my partner I wanted to start writing a book. His response? “That sounds like a lot of work. Let’s just watch TV instead.”
Yeah… not exactly the motivational speech I was looking for.
Your partner should be your biggest cheerleader. If one of you is still running toward your dreams while the other is chilling on the couch, there’s a disconnect.
Growth shouldn’t stop just because you’re comfortable. Challenge each other, even if it means stepping out of that cozy little bubble you’ve created.
3. Would I Defend My Partner If They Weren’t My Partner?
This one’s huge. Think about it: If your partner was just a friend, would you stick up for them? Or would you be like, “Yeah, they’re okay, I guess,” while avoiding eye contact?
I once dated someone who, when my friends asked about him, I could only manage a vague, “He’s fine.” And let me tell you, if you can’t confidently say that your partner is awesome, something’s off.
You need to be with someone you’re proud to be around. Someone who, when people ask, you’re like, “Yeah, they’re the real deal.” And if you can’t do that? Maybe it’s time to reevaluate.
You shouldn’t have to justify or explain why your partner’s behavior is kinda acceptable. They should be the person you’d bet on, every single time.
4. Is This Relationship a Two-Way Street? Or Am I Doing All the Heavy Lifting?
Okay, real talk. If you’re the one planning date nights, handling the emotional baggage, making all the decisions, and they’re just there for the ride, it’s a problem. Relationships should feel balanced.
I once found myself doing all the cooking, cleaning, and emotional labor in a relationship. And guess what? He complained when I didn’t have dinner ready on time—after I got home from work. Excuse me?
If one of you is doing all the work, resentment is bound to build. You both need to show up, contribute, and be willing to meet each other halfway. Otherwise, you’re just setting yourself up for a lifetime of frustration and burnout.
5. Am I Actually Happy in This Relationship?
This might sound basic, but it’s actually a loaded question. Are you genuinely happy, or are you just comfortable? There’s a big difference. It’s easy to coast along in a relationship that feels safe and familiar, even if it’s not fulfilling.
I once spent two years in a relationship where everything was “fine.” We didn’t fight much, but we also didn’t laugh much either. I’d wake up next to him and think, “Is this it?”
If you’re already asking yourself that question, marriage isn’t going to magically make things better. In fact, it’ll probably make those doubts louder.
Don’t settle for “fine.” You deserve to be happy, not just content. And if you’re not, it’s time to have some tough conversations—or maybe even walk away.
Can You Answer Them Honestly?
Before you dive headfirst into wedding planning and Pinterest boards full of floral arrangements, stop and ask yourself these questions.
Marriage isn’t a fairy tale. It’s work. It’s compromise. It’s showing up for each other, every day.
And if you can’t answer these questions honestly—and feel good about those answers—you might want to hit pause on the “I do’s” for now. After all, forever is a long time to be stuck in a relationship that doesn’t light you up.
