So, you’ve hit the 12-month mark in your relationship, congrats!
At this point, you’re either feeling like this person is your forever Netflix binge buddy, or you’re wondering why you’re still asking, “What do you want for dinner?” like it’s a trick question. If you’re still figuring out the basics, it’s time to dig a little deeper.
Here are 12 things you should know by now—if not, better start asking!
1. What Causes The Arguments and How You Resolve Them?
Listen, if you haven’t argued at all in a year, either you’re both saints or someone’s avoiding conflict like it’s a life-threatening disease. Knowing what sets your partner off and how to resolve those little (or big) fights is necessary.
For example, my partner can’t stand it when I leave dishes in the sink overnight. What’s my response? “But they need to soak!” Yeah, that didn’t fly. We worked through it, though—now we’ve got a dishwasher. Problem solved.
2. What Are The Dealbreakers and What They Value Most?
Everyone has dealbreakers, and it’s usually something they’ve learned the hard way. Maybe it’s a deep dislike for pineapple on pizza (I get it, it’s controversial) or something bigger like dishonesty.
One of my non-negotiables? Being rude to waitstaff. If I see that, I’m running for the door. You should know by now what your partner will absolutely not put up with, and what makes their heart warm in a relationship.
3. How They Handle Money?
You know what’s more awkward than a first date? The first time you realize your partner’s financial habits are totally different from yours.
Whether they’re a big spender or a saver, you should know by now if they’ll splurge on a new gaming console or if they’re more of a “let’s save for the apocalypse” type.
4. Where They Want to Live Long-Term?
So, you’ve talked about moving in together, but where? This is a huge deal! Maybe they’ve been dreaming of a quiet life in the country while you’re imagining city lights and constant takeout options.
A friend of mine found out—10 months into their relationship—that her partner hated her dream city. Ouch. Don’t let that be you! Have the talk, and figure out if your future homes line up.
5. When Do They Prefer to Have Serious Conversations?
For some reason, deep conversations seem to find us at the worst times—like 10 minutes before bed.
My partner once tried to have “the talk” while we were literally brushing our teeth. Bad idea. Some people need a calm, neutral time to chat (hello, walks!), while others thrive in car rides.
Knowing when your partner is most open to serious talks can prevent unnecessary tension and keep those conversations smooth.
6. Who Are Their Closest Friends and Family?
If you haven’t met their closest friends or family yet, you’ve got to wonder . . . why? Getting to know the people your partner values most gives you insight into who they are. Plus, their friends can tell you things they won’t!
7. What Are Their Biggest Concerns About the Relationship?
Here’s a fun question: “If we broke up, what would be the reason?” Not as morbid as it sounds! It’s an important question because it reveals what your partner is really worried about. It might be something you hadn’t even considered.
My partner once said, “I’d be worried we’d drift apart if we don’t stay curious about each other.” I thought, wow, that’s deep… and also, how do we keep staying curious?
8. What Are Their Habits and Lifestyle?
If you’re an early riser who loves 6 a.m. yoga and they’re a night owl who thrives on midnight gaming sessions, well . . . you’ve got some reconciling to do. It doesn’t mean you need to be carbon copies of each other, but lifestyle alignment is key.
9. What Are Their Career Goals and Definition of Success?
Everyone has a different idea of success. For some, it’s climbing the corporate ladder, while others are just trying to survive without losing their minds. Knowing your partner’s career goals gives you insight into how they define success—and how you can support them.
My partner once said, “I just want a job that doesn’t make me hate Mondays.” Fair enough. Now I know where they stand, and we can work toward that balance.
10. What Commitment Looks Like to Them?
Do they believe in emotional cheating? How about “micro-cheating” (aka texting your ex “Happy Birthday”)? These are things you need to know!
I remember the first time I casually mentioned emotional cheating, and my partner was like, “Wait, that’s a thing?” You don’t want to find out too late that your definitions of boundaries are worlds apart.
11. What Are Their General Timeline For The Future?
If you haven’t had the future talk by now, why not? It doesn’t have to be a “we’re getting married next year” kind of thing, but you should know where your partner stands on major life events. When do they see themselves moving in, getting engaged, having kids (if that’s on the table)?
Having different timelines doesn’t mean the end, but aligning your vision for the future helps you avoid awkward “So, what are we?” moments.
12. What Their Favorite Things Are?
After 12 months, you should know what their favorite pizza topping is or which TV show they could binge for hours. Could you order for them at a restaurant without screwing it up?
One time, I surprised my partner with their favorite snack (hot Cheetos, in case you’re wondering) after a long day, and they lit up like I just handed them a million bucks. It’s the little things that count.
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