Growing up, I navigated a challenging family dynamic where the term “family” often sounded “complicated and stressful”.
The heart of the issue lay in the fact that my mother has a perspective that values beauty and personal gain above all else.
This made me the quintessential black sheep, a wanderer unbound by rigid rules.
When your family sides with the narcissist, it can feel like an isolating battle. But you are not alone.
Below, I’ll share 11 insights I’ve gathered from my own personal experiences.
These lessons are a testament to resilience, adaptation, and the power to find your own light amidst the shadows of familial narcissism.
- Self-validation is important in navigating toxic and unstable narcissistic family dynamics. It helps maintain self-worth, resist manipulation, and regain control over your narrative.
- Keeping records of abusive behavior provides factual evidence to confront narcissists, protecting your sanity and offering a tangible way to respond to their manipulation.
- Understanding the dynamics between narcs and their supporters is important for the effective navigation of these relationships and for safeguarding your well-being.
Table of Contents
What To Do When Your Family Sides With the Narcissist?
When your family sides with the narcissist, the best thing you can do is believe in yourself.
It is the first step to regaining control over your narrative, reaffirming your self-worth, and standing up to manipulation.
That’s what I did and what I continue to do to protect my mental and emotional well-being.
To help you find your way out of this, here is a more detailed list of the things I did to survive narcissistic abuse:
1. Practice Self-Validation
In a family dominated by a narcissist, self-validation is your shield against their relentless manipulation.
Drawing from my experience, it’s a lifeline to cling to your truth when the narc constantly tries to shift blame and distort reality. It is your unwavering confidence in the face of their gaslighting.
By practicing self-validation, you find solace and strength, knowing that your family and friends can’t undermine the authenticity of your experience.
2. Document Everything That Happens
Documenting everything is important when dealing with a narcissistic family member’s horrible behavior.
In my experience, this served as a means to shield myself from feeling like a fool in my mother’s manipulative drama.
It helps you know exactly what transpired, providing a factual record of their actions and words.
This documentation not only protects your own sanity but also enables you to confront the narcissist with undeniable evidence, deterring their deceitful tactics.
3. Understand the Dynamics Between the Narcissists and Their Supporters
Coming to terms with the dynamics between a narcissist and their supporters was a determining step in my journey.
It’s important to remember that those enabling the narcissist may not fully comprehend the manipulation at play.
I learned from my own experience that these supporters often unintentionally perpetuate the narcissist’s behavior.
Understanding these dynamics allowed me to navigate these relationships more effectively while also safeguarding my own well-being.
4. Tell Someone You Trust Fully About What Happened
Sharing the terrible experiences with someone you trust fully is a powerful step when dealing with a narcissistic family.
My own journey became more manageable when I confided in a close friend and a therapist.
When you open up to trustworthy friends and people, it not only provides emotional relief but also offers an external perspective and validation for the challenges you face.
It creates a buffer against feeling isolated and empowers you to face the challenges within your family as a united front.
5. Don’t Stress Out, Keep Your Mind Healthy
I know that staying emotionally healthy when dealing with a narcissistic family can be a considerable challenge.
However, my experience taught me that constant stress can trigger emotional turmoil.
Fortunately, I found therapy to be immensely helpful in learning how to manage stress and maintain my mental well-being.
It’s essential not to let the chaos of your entire family consume you, and instead, focus on self-care and resilience to overcome the challenges that come your way.
6. Don’t Expect Change and Accept Things as They Are
Realizing that expecting change from a narcissistic family member is futile was a tough lesson in my journey.
I learned that hoping for any kind of transformation would only make me feel trapped and powerless. The key is to acknowledge that their behavior is unlikely to shift.
This acceptance liberates you from futile expectations, allowing you to focus on self-preservation and building a future that isn’t contingent on the narcissist’s actions.
It is a critical step in reclaiming your own life.
7. Limit Contact if Possible
Dealing with a family member with narcissistic personality disorder can be daunting. My own experience taught me that limiting contact, if possible, is often necessary.
The fear of cutting ties with the whole family can be overwhelming, but maintaining your emotional well-being should be your top priority.
Reducing contact doesn’t mean giving up either.
Instead, it’s a crucial step in setting boundaries and finding space to heal, without being constantly subjected to the narcissist’s manipulations.
8. Build a Strong Support System
Building a strong support system is essential when dealing with a dysfunctional family and a narcissistic abuser.
I’ve learned from my own journey that trusted friends, mentors, and even chosen family members can provide the love and understanding that my narcissist mother won’t.
Remember to treat yourself with kindness and surround yourself with those who truly care.
I’m grateful for my support system. They’ve been a source of strength and validation when my mom’s tactics aimed to erode my self-worth.
9. Be Persistent in Your Actions
Dealing with abusive, narcissistic family dynamics requires unwavering persistence.
In my own experience, this meant repeatedly setting boundaries and maintaining self-care practices, even when it felt like those around me weren’t supportive.
It’s a difficult journey, but it is crucial to stand your ground.
Being persistent in your actions, even when it feels like it’s not making an immediate impact, is the path to a healthier and more fulfilling life that isn’t defined by what’s expected of you.
10. Focus On Healing
Focusing on healing is the antidote to the bitter wounds created by narcissistic family dynamics.
My own journey has shown that understanding narcissism and its impact is just the first step. True recovery comes when you prioritize self-care, therapy, and self-compassion.
Healing allows you to break free from the emotional scars and rebuild your life on your terms, rather than carrying the burden of a painful past.
11. Consider Professional Mediation
Professional mediation can be the next step when dealing with the deep wounds created by narcissistic family dynamics.
In my experience, anger and betrayal often make it challenging to communicate with the narcissist, and that’s where mediation can be rewarding.
A trained mediator can provide a neutral space for discussion, helping you find common ground and possibly resolve conflicts that seem insurmountable.
It’s a path to healing and potentially rebuilding strained family relationships, although it may not always yield the desired outcome.
Why Does My Family Side With the Narcissist?
Family members may side with the narcissist due to a combination of manipulation, misplaced loyalty, and the desire to avoid upheaval within the family.
The narcissist’s charm and convincing facade often blind others to their manipulative behavior, making them believe there’s nothing wrong.
Many are oblivious to the insidious manipulation and gaslighting at play.
Moreover, feelings of loyalty or familial obligation can cloud judgment, causing them to enable the narcissist or assume roles that accommodate their behavior.
Acknowledging these issues can be painful and disruptive to family stability, leading some to deny or ignore the problem to maintain an illusion of cohesion.
My Character Speaks for Itself
Even when your family sides with the narcissist, remember to stay true to who you are.
My own journey has taught me that despite the challenges and the weight of family dynamics, your authenticity and strength shine through.
Your resilience, ability to seek support, and commitment to self-validation will shape your path, even in the face of adversity.
Trust that those who truly matter will recognize your worth, irrespective of the narcissist’s influence.
In the end, your character and the way you rise above the chaos will be a testament to your enduring spirit.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do narcissists turn your family against you?
Narcissists turn your family against you through manipulation, crafting false narratives, and capitalizing on vulnerabilities to sow discord and assert dominance within the family dynamic.
Why do families enable narcissists?
Families enable narcissists out of misdirected loyalty, fear of repercussions, or a wish to preserve familial stability. Inadvertently, this support furthers the narcissist’s harmful behavior, as they exploit these dynamics to maintain control within the family.
Why do family members defend the narcissist?
Family members defend narcissists for comparable reasons, frequently influenced by manipulation and unwavering loyalty. In many cases, they remain unaware of the harm they inadvertently contribute to, inadvertently perpetuating the narcissist’s destructive behavior.
Why do narcissists always play the victim?
Narcissists consistently play the victim to deflect accountability, elicit sympathy, and reinforce their false narrative as the wronged party. This calculated tactic allows them to manipulate those in their orbit and avoid responsibility for their actions.
What happens when you ignore a narcissistic family member?
Ignoring a narcissistic family member can result in the establishment of boundaries and self-preservation. However, it may also escalate their manipulative tactics as they strive to reassert control and regain your attention or compliance.
I feel like I’m being gas lighted the person has managed to make me the Feel I am the gaslighter turning friends and other family members against me ! All because she wanted something and I said no!
This has just happened to me. Now my mum is at their house, making them feel better when I have been in this for years. I finally say no and I’m now stuck on my own too afraid to say anything to anyone incase I’m labelled as the person that needs help. I hope your situation gets better.
I need someone to talk to now. I can’t take it anymore!!!