Always believe in yourself, my grandma used to tell me every time I’m down. In today society, thanks to all the advanced technology that we conveniently have access to, it is easy said than done.
Insecurity, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, in general, have become some of the main tools for creating humorous posts nowadays. People love stories and things that they can relate to, particularly if it has a funny spin to it.
I mean there is nothing wrong with the ability to laugh at your problems; after all, it’s one of the best coping mechanisms to stay positive. Sadly, if all you do is laugh and don’t do anything about your issues, then it is more serious than you’d like to admit.
Here, we will examine the reasons and causes of insecurity, and we’ll also discuss some tips on how to overcome these issues and to always believe in yourself.
Why do most people are lacking self-belief?
A lot of people is induced with high levels of self-doubt. This prevents them from taking meaningful action, from functioning normally, and it only leads to more serious mental health issues.
One of the reasons is the general unhappiness with their situation, and the most disturbing part about it is that this unhappiness is caused by the so-called “first world problems”.
People feel sad if someone doesn’t reply to their text if they do not get enough likes on social media, if they can’t go online, or if they do not receive enough attention. Another reason for sadness is detachment.
Parents might feel like they are drifting apart from their kids, young people feel like they can’t create meaningful relationships, and a lot of people feel that they can’t make an impact or have any significance in the world.
With increasing demand on social media and the change in parenting style, insecurity, anxiety, and depression are more present now than ever, strongly toward the millennials.
So why this happens, or which factors have influenced this type of mindset. Thus, once you understand them, you are a step closer to overcome it and always believe in yourself doesn’t seem impossible anymore.
Your upbringing is one of the most important key ingredients in determining your level of self-belief, self-esteem, and self-confidence.
These days, younger people, or millennials have problems with low self-esteem and depression, but this is not entirely their fault. The parents of these new generations decided to do things differently, to be more supportive, to stand by their children and to fill them with confidence. It is not a bad premise, in fact it is very noble, but it would appear that this point of view was taken to extreme levels.
Children were never judged by high standards, and they were always sheltered from experiencing the pain of defeat and failure. Parents went as far as going to schools to persuade teachers to reward their kids, instead of being more adamant about their children trying harder. So, when that generation of kids started working on their career, the amount of support and security they received from their parents was significantly reduced.
After all, your parents cannot convince your superiors to give you a promotion. In a way, this working environment caused their self-image to shatter and it is the first time they get to grasp the gravity of reality.
We always want to do well in anything, including myself, but how we deal with our personal failure will have effect on our future outlook.
Of course, some of the problems can be more serious, and as a result, you might need more time or help, in order to overcome these struggles, but as long as you address and find ways to cope with them, it won’t progress into a chronic condition.
Remember that F.A.I.L is “First Attempt In Learning”, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
Dealing With Rejection
Most of us think we know how to deal with rejections? Just “Shake it off” right? Like Taylor Swift’s song, but what if we can’t? What happens then? You cannot get everything you want it life, you must and need to understand that, even if you have all the money in the world.
However, what I always tell myself and others is “NO” means “Next Opportunity”. So, move on and go on.
What causes insecurity?
If you are shaken by unfortunate events or need some time to reevaluate your life, then it means that you should be able to get over or significantly reduce the amount of insecurity you experience. However, there are much more causes that help insecurity develop, and the environment we live in does not stimulate the healing process very well. So, let us examine these causes, in order to understand why certain elements are toxic to our psyche.
Technology is not inherently bad, however, everything people do not practice or take in moderation has negative side-effects. Since we spend so much time online, almost every aspect of society has been transferred there. We can shop, communicate, watch movies, read books, and do many more things in the online world. And, it is way more convenient for us this way, but it is also conditioning our brains to think differently.
There are even apps that eliminate the whole process of learning how to talk to other people and impress them; today, if you want to date someone, you can simply use an app and find people who are interested in you based on your picture.
This wide range of accessibility results in instant gratification; we no longer need to go shopping, since socializing in real life is much scarcer, and we lose the capacity for patience. Very often we do not feel good because the results of our labor are not immediately visible. Young people want to quit their jobs after only eight months, because they do not feel that they are making any impact.
The consumer’s culture we live in and the companies we work for. The corporate world is obsessed with numbers, profit and, they are interested in much shorter and secure investments rather than thinking long term. Everyone is replaceable and 9-5 means 7-10.
You need to think in certainties, or go with things that are proven to work, and considering how we were raised to escape from any possible failure, we are all on board with this point of view.
The movie industry, books, video games, and all other modern art forms are either reboots or sequels of the works that made a huge success.
We live in a culture where we are afraid to be innovative, where providers struggle to stay relevant, with people who complain but fail to discuss solutions and take action. Why not take actions when you see problems?
Another form of instant gratification is fast food, which is filled with sugar. Instead of preparing our meals, we go for a cheaper option that tastes delicious, but it also has negative side-effects. First, the ingredients they use are highly addictive and do little in terms of providing our body with the nutrients we need. We feel hungry again really soon, and as long as we continue this type of diet, we become more obese, more addicted, and more depressed.
Inability To Cope With Problems
We live in a world of Facebook and Instagram, and lot more other apps that allow us to modify our pictures, use different filters etc. Basically, we love these apps because we use them to act tough, and create illusions of life that people are envy of. When we feel bad, we chase after fleeting sensations, something that makes us feel good for the moment and we refuse to admit just how hurt we are.
When we look for support, we look for encouragement, even though a few home truths would probably be better medicine. This creates a small comfort zone, and people do everything in their power not to leave it, rather than to make efforts to expand it. It is much more comfortable to cling to an illusion and live with the conviction of how the entire world is against you.
We would rather upload an amazing selfie on our social media pages, where we pretend that everything is fine, than to make an effort to discuss our problems and possible solutions. By acting like you have life all figured out, and acting like everything’s going according to plan, you lose valuable time that could be spent on actually working on your problems.
The effect on receiving positive feedback on social networks, as well as eating delicious but unhealthy food, triggers a chemical reaction in our brain. Basically, dopamine is created from indulging our wants, and the same thing happens when we drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or gamble.
However, cigarettes, alcohol and gambling have age restrictions, whereas social networks, and fast food don’t. Since we have our source of dopamine (we can trigger it using technology), and we would always go for instant gratification over long-term solutions. We do not bother figuring things out, we are impatient and we want to feel good. Unfortunately, this only leads to more depression, and it was proven that Facebook and depression are actually linked.
We gradually become addicted to what is going on in the online world, we check our phones to see if there are new likes, new stories, or new events. We have this constant fear of missing out that we refuse to focus on what is currently going on, so we never leave our phones.
Meaningful relationship, mutual trust, career satisfaction, and achievements, these are all processes that are arduous and long, and this is why people are sad. The community is unequipped to deal with these issues, and it is way out of their comfort zone, so they feel helpless. So, it is up to you to break out of these bonds and to always believe in yourself, in order to be truly strong.
We develop our personality, fears, strengths and weaknesses as we grow up, and depending on our environment and experiences. So, if too much positive reinforcement during childhood can create an adult who is unable to cope with career struggles, too harsh or strict parenting can create someone who is insecure, due to constant criticism and restrictions. Basically, every parenting style has its pros and cons, and both Authoritarian and Permissive parenting style can lead to a similar end result, which is insecurity, anxiety and depression.
Permissive style does not allow child to truly experience how life can pose a challenge, so as a result children can become underachievers as their self-image is shattered. Authoritarian parenting includes more restriction, will exertion, and criticism, it has proven to build a strong character but at the same time it can result in people who are deeply insecure.
Also socializing in school can be tough, and a lot of children are victims of physical, verbal or cyber bullying, These are scars that never quite heal, they leave the mark and for some people it more difficult to overcome their insecurities, because of this childhood trauma that manifests on a subconscious level. However, it is also true that suffering builds character and makes you stronger in some cases, or as Russian proverb says – “The same hammer that shatters glass forges steel”
How to improve your overall outlook?
You need to change your diet, and to start learning how to cook. Cooking is a good mental exercise, and it is a good way to start practicing patience. Start doing sports or start going to the gym, invest in your health and get ready to wait for a whole year until you notice significant results. It takes a lot of perseverance but if you always believe in yourself, and say “I can do this” you will emerge victoriously.
With new discipline, you will be able to form more healthy habits, and as one of the most famous motivational speaker Jim Rohn stated – “Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” and also “Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced every day.”
OK, when I say “Social” I meant go out and spend more time with your friends and family. You know, connect with other people. Tell them what bothers you, ask for their opinion, or ask them if you can help out. Do nice things for people you care about and don’t expect anything in return. Be more charitable.
You can meet new people as well, talk to them during your lectures or business meeting, ask them how they are, and invite them over for a drink. Do not force relationships; let them happen naturally, and remember: practice patience.
Find Your Resolve To Change
If you feel depressed or weak, you must always know that the strength to change lies within you. Many others who felt like they’ve reached rock bottom manage to rise stronger than ever. Les Brown, had a rough and truly unfortunate childhood, which had a great impact on his confidence. He managed through sheer willpower and persistence to turn his life around because he believed in himself and he put it best when he said: “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
Find Your Passion and Purpose
If you are not advancing in your career as fast as you planned, find something interesting that you love and start getting better at it. Who knows, maybe that will become your new career one day? We are all good at something, so if you crave the sense of achievement, work on self-improvement.
Do not tell yourself that what you love and what you are really good at are unimportant elements of life, remember always believe in yourself and pursuit your governing passions. If you truly want to succeed and end up in career where you can do what you love, you must devote yourself to your hobbies and get even better at them. Like Marie Forleo always says “Success doesn’t come from what you do occasionally, it comes from what you do consistently.”
Less Time On The Phone
Do not constantly look at your phone; look around you, think, be creative. Your mind cannot get enough exercise if it does not wonder, and in order to start wondering, it needs to be stimulated by your observation.
Be More Active
Passivity fosters boredom, and boredom leads you online, where you are only going to be stuck in a perpetual cycle we discussed throughout the article. Make more plans, get more organized and find activity that you can enjoy. Have a bucket list as I’m sure you have things that you have always wanted to do but you always put them off. Set small goals to get them check off with your friends or family members.
You need to have a goal and to start doing things differently, as Tony Robbins said: “Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” and “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
Never Give Up
Brace yourself for a harsh reality that is still out there. Just because you have found willpower to try, doesn’t mean things will instantly get better, you will face a lot more criticism and a lot more rejection, and you must have the stamina to weather all these difficulties without losing your hope. If there is anyone who came to know rejection too well it is Jack Ma.
Jack Ma applied to KFC of all 24 people, he was the only one who didn’t get hired. He then applied to Havard University got rejected 10 times. I mean if he ever gave up, he wouldn’t be the founder and also an executive chairman of Alibaba Group, which makes him one of the most successful businessmen. One of his most famous quotes “Never give up. Today is hard, tomorrow will be worse, but the day after tomorrow will be sunshine.”
We are born to learn and improve the world, whether our lives were easy or hard, we need to learn how to use what is given to us to our advantages. We all have insecurities, if they say they don’t, you know they are lying. So, stop being so hard on yourself and start working on those improvements and always believe in yourself because no one else will.