Why Narcissists Are Still Obsessed With You Even After You Cut Them Off?

I thought cutting them off would be the end of it.

I blocked their number. I muted every chat. I stopped showing up, stopped explaining myself, stopped playing the exhausting game.

Finally, I could breathe. Or so I thought.

But somehow… somehow… they were still everywhere.

Watching my Instagram stories through fake accounts. Asking my cousins about me at family gatherings.

Popping up in group chats like nothing ever happened.

Even my older toxic sister, whom I hadn’t spoken to in months, suddenly “bumped into” me at my favorite grocery store, acting like we were long-lost friends.

I couldn’t help but ask: Why?

Why, after all the boundaries and silence, do they still refuse to let me go?

If you’ve ever felt that lingering paranoia or anger, trust me, it’s not love.

It never was.

Let me show you what’s really going on.

Why Narcissists Never Actually Let Go?

At first, I thought it was about me.

Maybe they missed me. Maybe they finally realized how much damage they caused.

I even wondered if, deep down, there was a flicker of guilt in them, like maybe my silence had reached them in some profound way.

For a while, I let myself believe that cutting them off might wake something up.

That maybe, just maybe, they’d see the truth and change.

Yeah, right! What a dreamer I was!

But once I started learning about narcissism, really understanding it, everything made sense.

It was never about love. It was always about control.

Narcissists don’t see people as people. No, mam!

They see roles. They see mirrors. And in their world, you exist to reflect their greatness, to validate their worth, to orbit around their chaos.

You aren’t a sister, daughter, cousin… you’re supply. Emotional fuel.

When I finally cut my toxic sister off after years of emotional manipulation, it wasn’t just a broken relationship to her.

It was a full-blown ego injury.

She didn’t see it as me protecting my peace.

She saw it as betrayal. Rejection. Abandonment.

Because here’s what most people don’t get:

When you’re saying “no” to a narcissist doesn’t just bruise them, it undoes them.

It rips away the fantasy they’ve built where they are the center of your world.

In fact, a study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that narcissists experience rejection as a deep emotional injury.

They’re often reacting with heightened sensitivity and anger when their inflated self-image is threatened.

And silence? Silence is brutal.

It doesn’t just sting, it humiliates. It tells them the one thing they can’t bear to hear: you’re fine without them.

That’s why they don’t really let go. It’s not your love they’re after.

It’s their grip on your identity. They want the version of you that played along, that apologized, that stayed small.

But once you break free from their hold, you become something they can’t control.

And that’s what keeps them hooked.

9 Psychological Reasons Narcissists Stay Hooked on You

I used to wonder why they couldn’t just move on. Like I had. Seriously!

But narcissists don’t operate that way.

When you cut them off, it’s not “over” in their mind. It becomes a mission.

Here’s what’s really happening beneath the surface when they refuse to let you go.

1. You Said “No,” and They Can’t Handle That

The moment I started saying “no,” it was like flipping a switch.

Narcissists treat boundaries like insults, they believe access to you is their right.

Saying no doesn’t just frustrate them, it exposes how little power they actually had.

2. They Lost Control Over You

They were used to pulling strings… guilt, obligation, manipulation.

When that stopped working, they panicked.

Narcissists don’t care about the relationship itself.

They care about maintaining control, and losing it becomes their worst nightmare.

3. You’re Not Reacting Anymore

They used to live for your reactions.

Your anger, your explanations, even your tears. But now, you’re quiet.

And to a narcissist, silence isn’t just rejection, it’s punishment, because it proves they no longer have emotional influence over you.

4. Their Mask Slipped, and You Saw It

Narcissists work very hard to keep their fake persona intact, especially in family settings.

But once you catch the lies, the manipulation, the gaslighting, they see you as a threat.

You know too much, and that terrifies them.

5. You Got Stronger

They expected you to fall apart without them.

But you didn’t.

You thrive, set boundaries, found peace, and your growth shatters the illusion they created where they were the powerful one.

6. You Took Back Your Power

The day you stopped playing their game was the day they felt invisible.

They need to be at the center of your world, and when they’re not, it feels like they don’t exist.

That loss of attention drives them to obsessively try and get it back.

7. You Cut Off Their Supply

You were narcissists’ emotional fuel… your praise, your loyalty, even your pain.

Once that supply was gone, they didn’t just miss you, they missed how powerful they felt through you.

That’s why they come back, pretending to be kind or changed, it’s all about refueling.

8. They’re Bored

Chaos is comfort to them, and you used to provide it, even unwillingly.

Without you, they’re restless. So they poke, prod, or show up “by accident” just to get something going again.

9. They Need Closure on Their Terms

Narcissists want to be the one who ends things.

You walking away on your own terms feels like a loss they can’t accept.

That’s why they’ll try to reopen the conversation. Not to find peace, but to reclaim control over the ending.

What You Should Never Do When They Circle Back?

I’ll be honest, this was the hardest part for me.

When my narcissistic family started creeping back in after months of silence, part of me wanted to respond.

Not because I missed them, but because I wanted to finally make them understand.

I wanted to say, “Look what you did. This is why I cut you off.”

I believed that maybe, if I explained things clearly enough, they would see it.

Maybe they’d feel remorse. Maybe they’d change.

I know wishful, thinking.

But here’s the brutal truth I had to face: trying to teach a narcissist a lesson is useless.

That reaction, any reaction, is exactly what they want.

When you respond, you feed their ego.

You show them they still hold space in your mind and heart, even if it’s through anger or frustration.

To them, attention equals importance.

They don’t care if it’s positive or negative, they just care that it exists.

I learned this the hard way when my toxic mother suddenly popped up after two years of no contact.

She acted casual, like nothing happened, slipping into conversations like old times.

Against my better judgment, I replied.

I thought I could handle it. Within days, though, the familiar patterns returned. Subtle jabs, passive-aggressive comments, and guilt trips that left me drained.

That’s when it finally hit me: closure is a trap.

Narcissists don’t seek closure to heal.

They seek it to reopen wounds and regain control. They want to drag you back into their chaos, where they dictate the narrative.

Silence, though uncomfortable, is your strongest defense.

You don’t owe them explanations, justifications, or second chances.

You already escaped. Going back only reattaches the chains you fought so hard to break.

When they circle back, let your absence do the talking.

Trust me… It’s louder than words.

Quick Recap and Key Takeaway

Here’s what you need to hold onto:

Their obsession isn’t proof that they loved you. It’s proof they never owned you.

The truth is, your worth was never tied to their approval.

They stayed hooked because you became something they couldn’t control, not because they valued who you truly are.

Every time you stay silent, heal quietly, and move forward, you reclaim the pieces they tried to steal.

You don’t have to fight louder.

You just have to stay free.

Here’s How I Can Help

I know exactly how exhausting and confusing this cycle can be.

You cut them off, yet they still lurk, waiting for any crack to pull you back in.

That’s why I created The Next Chapter, my step-by-step program designed specifically for survivors like you.

Inside, I’ll guide you through the real work of healing: setting unshakable boundaries, breaking the guilt loops, and most importantly, learning how to emotionally detach so they can’t touch your peace ever again.

You’ll get the tools, the mindset shifts, and the community support you deserve to move forward without looking back.

If you’re done with their toxic games and ready to build a life that’s truly yours (not one they think they can control), The Next Chapter is where you start.

You escaped. Now let me help you stay free, for good.